All we need is Beyonce
In shocking news last week, the United Nations World Food Programme announced an official end to world hunger.
The reason: Beyonce’s pregnancy photos.
“Shocking? Puh-leeeease!” said one irate beehive member in response to how this colossal news is being characterized. “What’s so shocking about the Queen solving world problems?! Tell me. I ain’t even playing right now.”
According to the UN (and other programs all over the globe), people no longer feel the desire to eat; or really do anything except stare at Bey.
“When we arrive on site to poverty stricken areas,” offered one UN doctor, “we are not being met with hordes of hungry people asking for rice or other grains anymore. They are asking us for Instagram.”
We interviewed a number of people from various countries and were met with the same response wherever we went.
“It’s a miracle,” revealed Xiao Bi, a local migrant worker from southern China. “We don’t worry about food anymore – we fill our bellies by staring at hers.”
Governments around the globe are calling emergency meetings to try and capitalize on the situation – in a good way.
“Mother of God!” exclaimed Britain’s prime minister upon hearing the news. “Who knows how much power these photos possess? Could we potentially see an end to all the world’s ills: poverty, greed, global warming, and Trump?”
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