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All Birds with Flu Encouraged to Drink Soup, Rest

Over the past couple months, a powerful strain of avian flu (H7N9) has resurfaced in parts of China, causing alarm to mother hens everywhere.

“Birds are flying the coop in record numbers,” one official revealed,  “And we don’t want to have to start chasing wild geese again, so we’re appealing for calm and encouraging all of our feathered friends to stay at home, drink soup, and rest.”

But, according to Beijing, this is presenting a real problem.

“The birds–especially the chickens–are refusing to eat the right kind of soup, if you know what I mean,” Dr. Swan commented.  “Even though one goose has shown dramatic improvement from our recipes, they’re still not sure it’s also good for the gander.”

Other tests, however, have been less successful.  Apparently, Chinese officials have tried things from running water off ducks’ backs to making them all wake up extremely early to wrapping a strange kind of sea bird around their necks.

“It just gives us bumps!” Mother Goose exclaimed fretfully.  “We get all these little bumps from just thinking about the tests they’re running!”

The hens had a similar response: “We’re not going to let them wing it with our little ones anymore,” said an older Fall chicken. “It’s time all of us flocked together.

It seems their methods, like the chickens themselves, have come home to roost.

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