Marine Biologists Discover Unhappy Clam

A small team of researchers exploring and monitoring sea life along the eastern seaboard stumbled upon the rarest of finds last week: one teed off mollusk.

According to the team leader, Adai Ver, the clam caught their attention because he was perched alone on the top of a large boulder.

“We were pretty shocked when we found him,” recalled Adai.  “As far as we know, he’s the only one of his kind.”

Our news team had a chance to sit down and talk with George and ask him why he was so perturbed.

“Not everybody fits into your neat little stereotypes, you know,” George answered.  “This is partly why I’m so upset–don’t just assume that I’m going to be happy because I’m a clam.  I’m stuck here on this rock, it smells like seaweed, and I constantly have sand in my mouth.  What’s there to be happy about?!”

“Other clams are always coming up to me saying, ‘Hey George!  Turn that frown upside down!’ and ‘Make your Monday a Funday, George.’  I tell you what, if I have to hear one more mollusk tell me to turn all my ‘sand’ into ‘pearls’, I’m gonna punch ‘em in the face.”

As the golden sun sank over the horizon in the distance, you could hear the seagulls calling out to each other, waves crashing on the nearby shore, and a tiny clam cursing like a sailor in the wind.

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