Top Ten Emotional Support Pets

Blob Fish – no explanation necessary.

If you have an emotional support animal, you know how great they are.  You also know that dogs are tres passé.  In their stead, people are turning to other more obvious heroes such as the ones below.  Here is the official list of animals that have been scientifically proven to help you recover from mental and emotional distress:

Japanese Spider Crab – this animal is able to wrap its eight loving crustaceous legs around you in your time of need, whether on ground or underwater.
Star-Nosed Mole – such a unique mole has the unique ability to creepily sniff out what’s really troubling you.
Black Rain Frog – don’t be discouraged, this little gem is not full of hot air, he’s pumped and ready to fill your day with fun.
Aye Aye – basically, he can scare the shit out of you and your problems.
Naked Mole Rat – Bow chicka wow wow.  It’s gross hideousness will make you forget whatever was ailing you.
Blue Dragon – mic drop
Peacock Spider – also known as the Luchador’s Widow, she’s here to attack your sadness.
Goblin Shark – What the?!  Seriously, the freakiest thing we’ve ever seen.  I forgot what we were talking about.
Lowland Streaked Tenrec – it’s most useful ability is pain displacement, or deferment. In other words, the pain in your bleeding hands when you pick it up will distract from the pain in your soul.

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