Nothing Whitens Teeth Like Bleach, Says Coma Patient

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The teeth speak for themselves.

With oil-pulling all the rage now as a teeth-whitener and cleaner, area man Jonas Naughtbright (brother of Eric Naughtbright) prefers to keep things old school.

“Jonas has had discoloration of the teeth for years now,” revealed his doctor.  “It’s a serious issue.  Yes, of course, he’s in a coma to be sure.  But, man, you should’ve seen his teeth a month ago.”

According to his brother, Jonas saw immediate improvement just one day after using household bleach.

“What might take you weeks or months to accomplish with oil-pulling or strips,” Eric commented, “Jonas accomplished in 24 hours.  His teeth are ivory white–no, wait, toilet seat white.”

As soon as he comes out of his coma, Jonas is determined to brand his homemade recipe and break into the teeth whitening market.

“It’s two parts bleach,” began Eric.  “Hey, why am I telling you this?  Jonas would reach over and strangle me with his breathing tube if he knew I was giving away his secrets.”

We assured him it was safe with us.

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