Society

Newspapers Guilty of Using Kylie Jenner, Beyonce, Kim K, T Swift, Meghan Markle in Headlines for Cheap Traffic
13Jun By jeffNo Comments
Celebrities, Society

Newspapers Guilty of Using Kylie Jenner, Beyonce, Kim K, T Swift, Meghan Markle in Headlines for Cheap Traffic

"Nature abhors a vacuum" and we're pretty sure this applies here (it's a complicated metaphor and we don't have time to explain).  It has come to our attention that the media at large has been using the fame of our brightest stars to generate clicks and garner shallow traffic on their sites. Despicable. These shimmering goddesses deserve better. They deserve to be treated with the awe and respect that their shimmery awesomeness deserves. And not have their perfect names sullied and cheapened by the greed of capitalism. It goes without saying that newspapers need to rediscover the lost values of decency, professionalism, and shivulry. Besides this, T-Swift might just shake it off and write a song about it, taking you and irony all the way to the bank - or credit union -...
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Husband Concerned all the Cuddling just Leading to More Cuddling
31May By jeff16 Comments
Society

Husband Concerned all the Cuddling just Leading to More Cuddling

Local husband David Hornee is concerned. Not about whether the dishes are done or the shower curtain is pulled back or the toilet seat is still up.  All that can wait. He's concerned about his relationship. According to David, last night was the fourth night in a row that he and his wife of many years cuddled...and then watched TV. "It's not that I expect anything more to happen after we cuddle," David explained, "it's just that I'm really upset if nothing does." His wife, however, had a different take on their past couple of shared weeks. "It's been great," she said with a smile on her face.  "You know, it's so nice to be able to grow closer to one another and have physical touch without any unnecessary expectations, if you know what I mean." Based on a recent study, ...
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Iron E-News Quietly Wins Award over The Onion and Possibly Entire Internet
24May By jeff16 Comments
Internets

Iron E-News Quietly Wins Award over The Onion and Possibly Entire Internet

Iron E-News is proud to announce that it has won the coveted Comment Response Award Prize for the first straight year in a row. This award, which has been called the Nobel Peace Prize of the Internet, is only given once a year to the news website that exemplifies the highest standards in both news reporting and website design/performance.  However, though this award is actually given to the website that accumulates the greatest number of comments, the former is obviously implied. This year, Iron E-News far surpassed other notable real news websites such as The Onion and Newsbiscuit as well as various fake news sites such as The New York Times and The Washington Post. Here is just a taste of the passion and avid commitment from some of our readers: “good day everyone.  i’m looki...
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Email Typo saying “Bare with us this Friday…” has Unfortunate Consequences
20May By jeff22 Comments
Society

Email Typo saying “Bare with us this Friday…” has Unfortunate Consequences

The faithful workers at Syrius Enterprises & Technologies Incorporated had little reason to believe that last Friday would prove to be any different than most other “Fundays” (which is what their boss, unfortunately, has named all Fridays)–or that they would be in for the surprise of their humdrum lives. They were wrong. On top of all of this, never would they have imagined in a million years that Dink would be the one to surprise them. Dink Furtlebottom, a seemingly normal human being from great distances was someone who became increasingly eccentric the closer you got to him.  A diligent worker and tireless follower– Dink was one who would go around the mountain to avoid even looking at the cart.  He took things as they came and happily thought of himself as a tiny yet effic...
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Poll: ‘Your Mom’ is Still Funny
12May By jeff25 Comments
Society

Poll: ‘Your Mom’ is Still Funny

According to a survey conducted by the American Research Society, thirty-something-year old men all over the world are still responding randomly to questions with the phrase, "your mom". And finding it funny. Even after decades of usage, and even after research has shown it to be nearly impossible for "your mom" to be an adequate or appropriate answer to every question, it hasn't seemed to grow tired or old. For example, "What is two times two?" "Your mom." (we know to be incorrect because it's usually four) Or, "What was Einstein's inspiration for the theory of relativity?" "Your mom." (we also know to be untrue since your mom isn't a day over 30) "This juvenile response," the Society reported, "similar to 'bathroom' humor, has amazing comedic resiliency among actual ...
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