ESPN is Gonna Need Ed Werder to go Ahead and Come in on Sunday Too

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It appears ESPN anchor Ed Werder has been asked to come in on a Saturday.  And, if you would believe it, he’s gonna have to come in on Sunday too.


Mr. Werder has been working for Initech, excuse me, ESPN for 17 years now and it seems he’s at the end of his rope.

“They’ve moved my desk four times now,” an annoyed Mr. Werder told us repeatedly.  “And now they want to move me to a basement in New Orleans?  I’m–I’m quitting.  I’m going to quit because they’ve moved my desk four times already and that’s not okay.  I used to be over by the window, you know.”

Apparently, the many bosses of the sports network have been looking for ways to downsize.  At first, they tried notifying employees via fax but it seems the ****damn fax machine is broken.

According to one employee, that isn’t the first time they’ve had problems with that particular machine, and that it was lucky he “wasn’t armed”.  We’re not sure what he means.

After their very professional attempt at laying people off through facsimile, the bosses decided to come in directly and have the mid-level managers do it for them.  Besides Mr. Werder, here is a short list of names we found stapled to the cover sheet of a circulating office memo:

Robin Lundberg (no relation to Lumberg)

Jim Bowden

Jayson Stark

Samir Nagheenanajar

Ed Werder

Michael Bolton (not the singer)

Mr. Werder, after a short discussion with one of the managers, mumbled something about getting his stapler and taking a quick smoke break.


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