Local Introvert Mistaken for Asshole

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Area anti-socialite, Phil Koff, was wandering down the aisle of his local grocery store–minding his own quiet business–when he spotted a first-time acquaintance, Cher Tumuch, approaching ominously from the other direction.

Though Mr. Koff did his best to hide his entire body behind a bevy of protruding pineapples, Ms. Tumuch had already seen him.  It was his next action that was sadly misinterpreted for plain assholery.

“To me and my fellow introverts,” Phil offered candidly,  “turning and walking brusquely the other way as if I had just felt the onset of diarrhea was a very normal thing to do.  We (Cher and I) had literally just met the other day.  It wasn’t even as if she were a long time acquaintance or one of my wife’s innumerable friends.”

“I know he saw me!” Ms. Tumuch said at a higher volume than normal.  “I could tell he was gonna be a jerk the first time I met him.”

Unfortunately, it seems, this was not an uncommon occurrence.

There was the one time he looked down at his phone to avoid incoming chit chat.  And by ‘one time’ we mean more than one.  Much more.

Then there was the time he acted like he wasn’t at home when the neighborly neighbor came a-calling.

And, oh, the time when he took the longest dump just to avoid…wait, no, that was a real dump.

But then there was the time he crossed to the other side of the road because he spotted a talker coming right his way.

And then, well, this could go on for a while.

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jeff
Teacher. Human. Procrastinator. Pulizer prize winner (not the same as Pulitzer but better). Probably the most humble person on the planet right now.

About the Author

jeff
Teacher. Human. Procrastinator. Pulizer prize winner (not the same as Pulitzer but better). Probably the most humble person on the planet right now.

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