Our top Sports reporter, Richard Head, lives and dies by the journalistic mantra: “always go straight to the source”.
At least that’s what he told the judge last year before being told to refrain from any contact (physical or otherwise) with one Thomas Edward Patrick Brady Jr., current quarterback for the New England Patriots, and to maintain a 100-yard distance from him at all times.
“Yes, it does make it difficult to do my job,” Richard told us. “But don’t worry, I’ll have a full report on Brady’s status as soon as ESPN does. I’m gonna live-tweet the sh– out of their report.”
After we went ahead and read the latest ESPN update for ourselves, it seems that, “Brady was limited in practice Wednesday because of a right hand injury…He has been on and off the injury report this season — because of the Greek god, Achilles (we were just as surprised as you at their level of superstition)…but this is the first time he has been punished for his throwing hand (their words not ours).”
Their report went on to say that “the injury occurred when Brady and a teammate went swimming in a pool of old Super Bowl trophies. Full-body X-rays were taken but revealed no structural damage and confirmed no soul (which was a surprise to no one). Veteran backup Brian Hoyer, the Patriots’ only other quarterback, couldn’t be reached because he had just shit his pants after hearing the news.”
Well, that’s all we felt like copying and pasting. Be sure to check back with us later for more ESPN updates.