Local resident and accountant, Barry Bishop, has been accused this week of lying about his severe gluten allergy. The incident took place at his neighbor’s Sunday night football party, where Barry was seen consuming large amounts of Bud Light and pepperoni pizza.
Based off his previous allergy claims, attendees were horrified to see Mr. Bishop partaking in such reckless behavior.
“I am shocked,” said one dismayed neighbor. ”I have seen him keel over in pain from just looking at a muffin – I don’t know what to feel anymore.” In a form of protest, she recently made a picket sign, depicting Mr. Bishop’s face superimposed onto a piece of bread. “I make signs to cope with my pain – this experience is no exception.”
Host of the party, Melvin Cartwright, shed some light on the depravity. “I bought some gluten free beer to accommodate his “allergy” and he didn’t even crack one open to make it look like he drank some. A waste of $15 dollars if you ask me.”
We also spoke to Linda Ellerbee, long time acquaintance and attendee of the event.
“I’m surprised he lasted this long without slipping up,” says Linda. “He always made it a point to bring up his ‘food allergy’ in casual conversation” stated Linda “It was never enough to be annoyed, but definitely enough to notice. I think he once said his dog had an allergy too? Actually, that may not be true, but it sure is funny! Haha!”
We reached out to Barry for a comment.
The following is his statement;
“The pain I have caused others is no one’s fault but my own. I take full responsibility in my betrayal of trust. I must confess – I love bread.”