Area man, Pat Myas, is a lover of all things Facebook, but his friends on the popular social media site would never know it.
According to our sources, Pat has the “annoying” habit of secretly enjoying the things he sees and reads without actually clicking the “like” button.
“It’s true,” revealed one of his friends. “I talked to him the other day and he started going on and on about how he really, really liked something I posted on my timeline. When I confronted him about why he didn’t click on the ‘like’ button he tried to engage in an existential discussion on the increasingly dichotomous nature of our reality! What an asshole.”
Esteemed internet sociologist, Dr. Harvard Browneye, wrote his doctoral thesis on the subject of Facebook likes and offered valuable insight into such behavior.
“Patrick is falling into what I’ve termed the ‘fishbowl trap’ – only he’s trapped on the outside! (clever eh?) It’s an aloofness bordering on narcissism that allows him to believe he can (excuse me for mixing metaphors) enjoy the fruits of society without putting in any labor – although I guess he could easily be eating fruit while watching the fish. He needs to go from casual observer to participant if he expects to be a part of this new society we live in.”
We gave Pat a chance to respond to his critics and perhaps offer an olive branch.
He didn’t like that. At all.
“So what I’m hearing is, people would rather me click ‘like’ even if I loathed their post and thought they were the barnacle of society – is that the gist of it? Stupid people – they’re like Facebook Gollums in the bowels of Mordor clutching greedily at their precious ‘likes’ oblivious to all the goodness and decency they kill along the way.”