Only thing ‘The Last Jedi’ Needed was a Purple-Haired Laura Dern—Oh Wait

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According to every major poll in galaxies near and far, far away, the one thing fans were hoping would finally be added to the Star Wars universe: a purple-haired Laura Dern.

And they were not disappointed.

With all the acting chops of a Mark Hamill or Chewbacca, Dern brings with her the kind of potential that could create another classic climactic moment, similar to the one where Luke denied his feelings and his father, Lord Vader.

“Noooooooooooo!” said one faithful fan and part-time critic of the space saga.  “We cannot live without her. From the moment we met her in Jurassic Park (who could ever forget the scene where she says ‘run’ five times and then screams it as she begins to run?), we knew we couldn’t live without her.”

Some viewers, who have become accustomed to the continual mash up of Marvel universes, were almost expecting Jurassic to merge with Star Wars the moment they saw Dern.

“When she entered, I just knew a velociraptor was going to jump into the main cabin and start mauling people!” one excited fan said excitedly.  “Mauling?!  Whoa, they could even call them little darth maulers!  Epic!”

“Oooh,” said another ebullient fan.  “Or the moment Leia woke up from her super space sleep (because of her awesome powerful-forcness), CHOMP!  No more Leia, because space T-Rex just chomped you in half!”

One more important thing that also made the list was, of course, the constant use of the word “hope” in almost every line of the film.

“I think they could have fit it in even more,” Steven Suttle commented.  “And so, great lines like, ‘Skywalker lives. The seed of the Jedi lives. As long as he does, hope exists,’ could have been something more like: ‘Skyhoper lives. The hope of the Jedi lives.  As hope as he hopes, hope exists.  Hopey hope.’ -Snoke

“To be honest, I was chanting ‘hope’ the entire movie,” he continued.  “I for one, hope Ms. Dern continues to reprise her role, even if they have to put every purple particle back together somehow.”

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