Tag: health issues

Study Reveals 39% of Americans Pretend to do Yoga
26Nov By Jennifer Hollie Bowles17 Comments
Society

Study Reveals 39% of Americans Pretend to do Yoga

From certified Yoga teachers to articles about Asanas in mainstream media, interest in Yoga has exploded in the United States over the last ten years. It seems a new Yoga studio or style of Yoga pop-ups daily. Americans have even developed new forms of Yoga, such as Chair Yoga, Spin Yoga, Slow Yoga, Jazzy Yoga, and even Holistic Yoga. Preliminary research studies found that a whopping 50% of Americans were regularly practicing Yoga in 2015. Considering the persistence of extremely high obesity rates, heart disease, diabetes, and other food-related maladies, scientists were perplexed by the results, since Yoga research shows that practicing Yoga reduces obesity, heart disease, etc. Seeking to clarify the findings of the early research, scientists decided to dig a little deeper with t...
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Nothing Whitens Teeth Like Bleach, Says Coma Patient
10May By jeff21 Comments
Society

Nothing Whitens Teeth Like Bleach, Says Coma Patient

The teeth speak for themselves. With oil-pulling all the rage now as a teeth-whitener and cleaner, area man Jonas Naughtbright (brother of Eric Naughtbright) prefers to keep things old school. "Jonas has had discoloration of the teeth for years now," revealed his doctor.  "It's a serious issue.  Yes, of course, he's in a coma to be sure.  But, man, you should've seen his teeth a month ago." According to his brother, Jonas saw immediate improvement just one day after using household bleach. "What might take you weeks or months to accomplish with oil-pulling or strips," Eric commented, "Jonas accomplished in 24 hours.  His teeth are ivory white--no, wait, toilet seat white." As soon as he comes out of his coma, Jonas is determined to brand his homemade recipe and break into th...
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FDA Approves New ‘Merdersyl’–Stops Insomnia by Stopping your Heart
6May By jeff25 Comments
U.S.

FDA Approves New ‘Merdersyl’–Stops Insomnia by Stopping your Heart

The Food and Drug Administration has issued their approval for a radical new medication that comprehensively solves the sleep disorder known as insomnia.  Incidentally, it has also helped solve a number of other unforeseen issues - like the need to ever to wake up again. Initial tests of the drug on human subjects have shown an unprecedented 100% success rate as the subjects have each enjoyed a very, very long rest. According to inside sources, they are still out cold. "Man, this drug really works," a test subject's spouse offered enthusiastically.  "After taking one pill, my Tim was sleeping like an angel.  And nothing could wake him up either.  We're finally gonna get our beauty sleep." Eli Lilly and Company, best known for manufacturing Secobarbital, has begun ramping up pro...
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China Says Pollution Helping Kids Use Imagination
4Apr By jeff24 Comments
China

China Says Pollution Helping Kids Use Imagination

"I'm picturing the Forbidden City behind me!" China's Ministry of Education released some very encouraging numbers last week, showing significant increases in imagination all throughout its major cities. According to indicators tracking the Imagination Quality Index, spikes in creative thoughts in the minds of children have registered at consistently high levels over the past decade or so primarily due to industrialization and the "recanvasing" of China skies. "We have given our children a gift," reported a high level official Xi He.  "The dark gray canvas that we have stretched across the horizon offers kids the perfect opportunity to paint ideas in whatever color or hue their creativity suggests." On October 21, 2013, record smog closed the Harbin Airport along with all schools in th...
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Doctors Recommending 3 Selfies a Day to Combat ‘Failed Existence Syndrome’
5Mar By jeff21 Comments
Society

Doctors Recommending 3 Selfies a Day to Combat ‘Failed Existence Syndrome’

“A selfie can make you feel like you’re somebody” – Dr. Sal Phee Are you sad? All the time? Do you constantly wish you were someone else? Someone who is as happy as the people you see on TV? You might have a classic case of what doctors call “failed existence syndrome.” And although it’s true you will never be any of the extremely successful, popular, wealthy, beloved, beautiful, clean, fragrant, dentally perfect A-listers, you can still have a small piece of their eternal happiness. A very very very…very small piece. “A sliver of stardom is still stardom, is it not?” Dr. Sal Phee posed rhetorically. “Everyday people like you and me could never have all the happiness that celebrities possess. But if we can somehow mimic their lifestyle and actions in a small way then we can at least...
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