Tag: political satire

Trump No Longer Considered Subject of Satire due to Extreme Redundancy
Politics

Trump No Longer Considered Subject of Satire due to Extreme Redundancy

Satirical papers across the country are announcing that President Trump will no longer be considered a target of ridicule and general lampooning because, according to them, "it's getting old". "It's a Catch-22, really," said one Onion editor. "There's so much material there, but there's no more story, if you know what I mean. He's the perfect subject for satire, but also the worst. Every time he does something, we're realizing that it looks all too familiar - as if it's been done and written about ad nauseam." Most sites are admitting that their current stories on the president are mostly links to old stories referencing previous behavior. "I used to listen to the Weezer blue album on repeat back in high school," offered one writer for Iron-E News, "and I'm sure it drove my par...
Jeff Sessions Impersonator Arrested for Public Nudity
Politics

Jeff Sessions Impersonator Arrested for Public Nudity

Jeff Sessions impersonator, Timothy Vetts, was arrested at Shady Oaks Retirement Village for public nudity in Bethesda, Maryland this past weekend. Vetts was reported to be “meandering the neighborhood" with the words “No Pot” written in green sharpie across his back.  The incident left witnesses confused. “You mean that wasn’t actually Jeff Sessions? He looked just like Jeff Sessions!” says community member, Mavis Bell. “Sessions shows his ass all the time as Attorney General so I thought this fit the bill. Especially with that "no pot" thing, give me a break! You haven't lived unless you have lit up a old J and watched Jerry Garcia twiddle those beautiful hands all over a Stratocaster”. Meredith Lynch, resident pet hoarder, also didn’t know exactly what to make of what she saw. ...
America is all like ‘Er mah Gerd’ and Trump is all like ‘Troll-lol-lol’, According to Informed Youth
Politics

America is all like ‘Er mah Gerd’ and Trump is all like ‘Troll-lol-lol’, According to Informed Youth

Amanda Flerd, a 12 year old middle school student from Richmond, Virginia, recently gave a current events speech to her class, informing them of the latest political tensions in America while offering lucid analysis on its current state of affairs. The presentation was well-received by the class, who claimed they learned more in those two minutes than they had all year. "OMG guys, this almost gave me GHERSBERMPS!  So Trump totally trolled this FBI dude, Clowny, for trying to probe a Russian or something cuz YOLO.  Lulz.  And now America is all like 'ERMAHGERD!' about Trump but Trump is all like 'Troll-lol-lol' America cuz YOPO (you're only president once).  And THEN--get this--G Dubs and Laura were in town cuz, according to the media, this dude Spicer was trying to avoid everyone by ...
Rep. Ryan Zinke Named Cabinet’s Interior Decorator
Politics

Rep. Ryan Zinke Named Cabinet’s Interior Decorator

Congressman Zinke ready to decorate the sh*t out of stuff Montana Representative Ryan Zinke was given the senatorial "green light" to take on a job of timely importance: redecorating the White House. His official title, Decorator of the Interior, makes him primarily responsible for Trump's cabinet. "My immediate priority will be to focus on the cabinet," revealed Congressman Zinke. "First of all, why is there only one?  The White House is huge.  We could definitely fit more.  Second of all, we could probably afford a new one.  I've seen the budget." Originally, the panel were considering the famous team consisting of Ted Allen, Carson Kressley, Kyan Douglas, and Thom Filicia for the job but voted no because they felt Trump and the team wouldn't see eye to eye. Besides his main...
Are You There Kim Jong Un?  It’s Me, Donald
Dictators, Politics

Are You There Kim Jong Un? It’s Me, Donald

"Dear Kim.  Can I call you Kim?  It's a girl's name.  Can I still call you that?  I'd like to call you that. My people have a problem.  Great people.  But people with problems.  The problem?  Fake News. CNN?  Garbage.  Fox News?  More like low calorie salad dressing.  The New York Times?  Quilt it, scent it, and make it double-ply... I still wouldn't use it as toilet paper. Breitbart?  Good people.  Good, good people.  I wanted to make Breitbart our exclusive news agency.  It'd just be me and some guy in a room.  He'd ask me questions about my golf handicap and my favorite color, and then we'd write the stories together.  I love cooperating with the press. But my people balked at that.  My own people.  I ask for loyalty and all I get is "no."  N-O. So I need a solution.  And...
Ringmaster Carney Turns Obama Scandals into Fun for the Whole Family
Politics

Ringmaster Carney Turns Obama Scandals into Fun for the Whole Family

In a colorful press conference held at the White House a few days ago, press secretary/circus master Jay Carney lived up to his last name as the Obama scandals piled up like elephants in a circus ring or clowns in a clown car. From Benghazi to the IRS to killing American citizens without trial to Michelle possibly changing her hair again to now this. Mr. Carney began the wildly entertaining event by reminding everyone that the Benghazi exhibition could be viewed in the smaller tent just outside the main arena under the banner “sideshow.” Just as he finished speaking, twenty military drones buzzed the big tent towing banners that read: Progress!! The president arrived with customary flair and, after issuing a brief statement, wowed the audience with his signature disappearing ac...