star wars – Iron E-News

The Obligatory Star Wars Traffic Boosting Article

4May

By jeff36 Comments

ENTMT

The Obligatory Star Wars Traffic Boosting Article

The Last Jedi Star Wars stuff and a little Skywalker too. Some Han Solo, Sand Peeps, and tiny Ewoks totally. Very, very lightsabery battle with a hint of dark side, splash of force, stirred in a Tatooine Vadershake. Yeah, my Star Wars brings all the Lukes to the yard. By my death star, fat Jabba Jabba no talkie talkie to a thousand Jedi masters. Kick back to the jet black double Maul high five to my Jedi blaster…he's a wicked tricky tricksta, yeah the prickly, sickly pimpstah: Yo-duh. Rogue One Star Wars stuff and a little Lukey Luke too. Some Han Solo, Sand Peeps, and tiny Ewoks maybe. Very, very lightsabery battle with a hint of dark side, splash of force, stirred in a Tatooine Vadershake. Yeah, my Star Wars brings all the Wookies to the yard. B...

Only thing ‘The Last Jedi’ Needed was a Purple-Haired Laura Dern—Oh Wait

17Dec

By jeff16 Comments

ENTMT

Only thing ‘The Last Jedi’ Needed was a Purple-Haired Laura Dern—Oh Wait

According to every major poll in galaxies near and far, far away, the one thing fans were hoping would finally be added to the Star Wars universe: a purple-haired Laura Dern. And they were not disappointed. With all the acting chops of a Mark Hamill or Chewbacca, Dern brings with her the kind of potential that could create another classic climactic moment, similar to the one where Luke denied his feelings and his father, Lord Vader. "Noooooooooooo!" said one faithful fan and part-time critic of the space saga. "We cannot live without her. From the moment we met her in Jurassic Park (who could ever forget the scene where she says 'run' five times and then screams it as she begins to run?), we knew we couldn't live without her." Some viewers, who have become accustomed to the co...

iPhone 8 and Star Wars 8 Released the Same Year!–Coincidence? Probably

10Apr

By jeff33 Comments

ENTMT, Sci-Tech

iPhone 8 and Star Wars 8 Released the Same Year!–Coincidence? Probably

iPhone 8 and Star Wars 8 - a "forced" connection? Yes. After extensive online research conducted by this news site and all its related partners and entities, we have officially concluded that there is no connection between the release of Apple's iPhone 8 and the upcoming film, Star Wars 8, other than the number 8. Regardless of the fact that the number eight is extremely auspicious in China, and regardless of the fact that they're both releasing new editions, and that those editions are the eighth one--after seven others--there is no evidence to support this claim. "The argument lacks any force," one fan noted. "It's superficial and tenuous at best; and may just be a ploy to generate artificial traffic." Nevertheless, because we just added an intern, we contacted Apple Corporat...

6Nov

By jeff23 Comments

ENTMT, Politics

Star Wars 7 Revealed: The Drone Wars

Star Wars 7 Cast and Title Revealed! “Not long ago, in a galaxy far, far beyond the reach of justice and peace, a strange and bitter conflict arose on the dark and inhospitable planet known as Yemen.” So begins the highly anticipated JJ Abrams continuation of the intergalactic epic, Star Wars; and, along with it, the continuation of a worldwide love affair with Wookies, droids, Ewoks, bounty hunters, and the like. With some of the casting of episode 7 already released, Abrams kept the lead roles and the title of the movie cloaked in mystery…until today. “I’ve had my eye on the president for a while, actually,” the famed director admitted. ”Politicians are natural actors, which is why so many of them have made the transition from the studio to the hill so seamlessly.” “G-dub w...