ENTMT

iPhone 8 and Star Wars 8 Released the Same Year!–Coincidence? Probably
10Apr By jeff33 Comments
ENTMT, Sci-Tech

iPhone 8 and Star Wars 8 Released the Same Year!–Coincidence? Probably

iPhone 8 and Star Wars 8 - a "forced" connection? Yes. After extensive online research conducted by this news site and all its related partners and entities, we have officially concluded that there is no connection between the release of Apple's iPhone 8 and the upcoming film, Star Wars 8, other than the number 8. Regardless of the fact that the number eight is extremely auspicious in China, and regardless of the fact that they're both releasing new editions, and that those editions are the eighth one--after seven others--there is no evidence to support this claim. "The argument lacks any force," one fan noted.  "It's superficial and tenuous at best; and may just be a ploy to generate artificial traffic." Nevertheless, because we just added an intern, we contacted Apple Corporat...
Read More
Eggsbenedict Cucumberpatch to Appear in New Thor Movie
5Apr By Caleb Canfield19 Comments
ENTMT

Eggsbenedict Cucumberpatch to Appear in New Thor Movie

The third installment of the Thor franchise in the Marvel Cinematic Universe is scheduled for release on November 3, 2017. Recently, the character Dr. Stephen Strange, interpreted once again by famous Sherlock actor, Benadryl Chamberpot, has been confirmed to play a significant role as well. Alongside Chris Hemwarts, who plays the titular role, Brainfart Thundersnatch will be making his second appearance as the beloved magician as Thor presumably battles in a gladiator match against The Hulk, played by Mark Buffalo. At the end of 2016’s Doctor Strange, during the post-credits scene—a staple of the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU)—the Earth’s Sorcerer Supreme hosted Thor and inquired about his half-brother magician, Loki. Though it appeared to tease Benediction’s part in Thor: Ragnarok, i...
Read More
NASA Scientists Confirm World does Revolve around Kanye West
24Mar By Brian Ge29 Comments
Celebrities, Sci-Tech

NASA Scientists Confirm World does Revolve around Kanye West

On March 22, 2017, Doctor Thomas J. Eckleburg of the National Aeronautics and Space Administration was reviewing photographs of the sun--beamed back to Earth from the recently launched fARK space telescope--when he made an astonishing discovery. Staring back at him from each and every photograph with eyes of fierce golden flame was the burning visage of Kanye West. Just as Copernicus before him had once declared the Earth in revolution around a ball of fire known as the Sun, Dr. Eckleburg uncovered that for the 4.5 billion years the world has existed, it has really been centered around what many consider to be the most enlightened mind of human history. “You see, Kanye is often mistakenly believed to have been born in June 8, 1977, when in reality he was, is, and always shall be the ...
Read More
Richard Simmons Found Safe in the 80’s
13Mar By jeff9 Comments
Celebrities

Richard Simmons Found Safe in the 80’s

LAPD Detective Scott Turner and his K-9 partner, Hooch, have allayed the fears of the public mind by confirming that Richard Simmons, comedian and health fitness guru, is indeed alive and well. Police Chief Daryl Gates, former Police Academy instructor, told Iron E! Gossip that officers went to check on Mr. Simmons after it was rumored that he had been kidnapped by a silver DeLorean. "There is no need to worry," Chief Gates said.  "Mr. Simmons is still in his extremely short shorts and rainbow tank top, listening to the Fame soundtrack on repeat." The police, after hearing reports of a possible kidnapping, initially thought they may have to bring in their new crime-eradicating cyborg to save Mr. Simmons; they eventually decided against it, declaring mega-corporations like Omni Con...
Read More
Beyonce Pregnancy Photos End World Hunger
25Feb By jeff37 Comments
Celebrities

Beyonce Pregnancy Photos End World Hunger

All we need is Beyonce In shocking news last week, the United Nations World Food Programme announced an official end to world hunger. The reason: Beyonce's pregnancy photos. "Shocking? Puh-leeeease!" said one irate beehive member in response to how this colossal news is being characterized. "What's so shocking about the Queen solving world problems?! Tell me. I ain't even playing right now." According to the UN (and other programs all over the globe), people no longer feel the desire to eat; or really do anything except stare at Bey. "When we arrive on site to poverty stricken areas," offered one UN doctor, "we are not being met with hordes of hungry people asking for rice or other grains anymore.  They are asking us for Instagram." We interviewed a number of people from various coun...
Read More