Jeff Sessions impersonator, Timothy Vetts, was arrested at Shady Oaks Retirement Village for public nudity in Bethesda, Maryland this past weekend. Vetts was reported to be “meandering the neighborhood” with the words “No Pot” written in green sharpie across his back.
The incident left witnesses confused.
“You mean that wasn’t actually Jeff Sessions? He looked just like Jeff Sessions!” says community member, Mavis Bell. “Sessions shows his ass all the time as Attorney General so I thought this fit the bill. Especially with that “no pot” thing, give me a break! You haven’t lived unless you have lit up a old J and watched Jerry Garcia twiddle those beautiful hands all over a Stratocaster”.
Meredith Lynch, resident pet hoarder, also didn’t know exactly what to make of what she saw.
“It was as if you were watching one of those Jackass kinds of films, you know where they staple themselves and whatnot. I always thought that was a bit much, but when my granddaughter was a teen she loved the Steve one!” We asked for more details regarding the incident in question, but she only had more to say about Jackass.
We reached out to Timothy for a comment, the following is his statement;
“Having concluded meetings with my lawyers today, I have decided to recuse myself from any existing or future investigations of any matters related in any way to me walking around in the nude and looking like Jeff Sessions.”
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