Sports

Man Watching Sports Match thinks he Could Easily do that Too if he Tried
20Aug By jeff15 Comments
Sports

Man Watching Sports Match thinks he Could Easily do that Too if he Tried

Richard Head stumbled on a football match last Saturday and was fairly unimpressed. "Meh," he said to himself as he grabbed another beer. "I could do that." His longtime girlfriend, Emily, nodded and said, "Mhmm." "Please," he rebutted, "run around and kick a ball into a huge net? Easy." Richard recalled his early days when he was strong, coordinated, and 20 years younger. He dominated neighborhood pickup games and was consistently called "fairly athletic for his size" by multiple people. "Hey, I played in college, remember?" he continued, disturbed by Emily's skepticism. "You played DURING college, Richard," she replied. "Playing on a men's team while you were in college is not the same as playing collegiate sports. There's a huge difference. And now you're saying you...
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Marathoner Admits he Knows he Can Run for Free
31Jan By jeff32 Comments
Sports

Marathoner Admits he Knows he Can Run for Free

SAN FRANSISCO--Avid marathoner Brendon Pfeffer, originally from a small town outside of Toronto, has just admitted to us that he knows he doesn't have to pay someone money to run. In fact, he's known this since his very first marathon, which was just outside a small town in Portland. "Yeah, I know," Blake said in response to our question. "I just feel like it isn't a really good run unless it costs you a few hundred dollars." As a concerned news agency, Iron E-News, from time to time, has sent a team to various marathons big and small just to make sure that everyone there knows they are under no such obligation to spend money in order to run very, very long distances. We have found that, unlike Blake, not everyone knows. Here is one exchange at a marathon just outside a smal...
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ESPN Analyst Points out Patriots Always Win when He Points out Certain Statistics
31Jan By jeff22 Comments
Sports

ESPN Analyst Points out Patriots Always Win when He Points out Certain Statistics

ESPN analyst and NFL Live commentator, Stu Stishous, has stumbled on a powerful statistic that may just tip the odds in the Patriots favor: the statistic of him reading the right statistics. On Sunday February 3rd, the New England Patriots will face off against the St. Louis Rams in Super Bowl 53 - what they don't know is that the game may have already been decided. "If I read the right set of stats on Brady and the Pats as I have in the past," Stu revealed, "I will cause the Rams to lose. That's mind-blowing." "And these aren't stats like 'Tom always wins when he pictures it in his mind beforehand'; they're stats like 'Tom is 10-2 against Pittsburgh in his career (including playoffs), with a 115.1 passer rating'. Think about that. But then you have to take into account that 'Th...
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Olympic Curler now Grateful for Dad’s OCD
1Mar By jeff3 Comments
Sports

Olympic Curler now Grateful for Dad’s OCD

Olympic curling specialist Arthur P. Luck feels like he was born for this sport. It wasn't always this way though.  Growing up in the heartland of middle America, he had never actually heard of the sport until he was a senior in high school. "I always say I didn't pick curling, it was more like it picked me," Arthur said candidly.  "And, honestly, I feel like I have an unfair advantage over everyone else because I have been training for this my whole life.  Those brooms, they're like an extension of my own hand." Arthur's family couldn't be prouder of what he's become.  But especially his dad. "My boy sure can sweep!" Art's dad beamed.  "He's like a super sweeper - out there cleaning the ice rinks of the world.  At every competition, when he comes over to see us, I always say, 'missed a...
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What do We Know about Brady’s Hand Injury? Not much after Restraining Order
18Jan By jeff30 Comments
Sports

What do We Know about Brady’s Hand Injury? Not much after Restraining Order

Our top Sports reporter, Richard Head, lives and dies by the journalistic mantra: "always go straight to the source". At least that's what he told the judge last year before being told to refrain from any contact (physical or otherwise) with one Thomas Edward Patrick Brady Jr., current quarterback for the New England Patriots, and to maintain a 100-yard distance from him at all times. "Yes, it does make it difficult to do my job," Richard told us.  "But don't worry, I'll have a full report on Brady's status as soon as ESPN does.  I'm gonna live-tweet the sh-- out of their report." After we went ahead and read the latest ESPN update for ourselves, it seems that, "Brady was limited in practice Wednesday because of a right hand injury...He has been on and off the injury report this season ...
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