2 Trillion Dollar Bailout Leaves Everyone Thinking “They’ve Had 2 Trillion Dollars this Whole Time!”

On Wednesday the US Senate approved a historic (is it “a” historic or “an”? I can never remember) stimulus package that left everyone feeling quite positive after such a bipartisan and generous move.

It also left everyone with questions:

For example, where did the Senate get 2 TRILLION DOLLARS?!

Is there a bank inside the Senate that we didn’t know about?

Is the Senate building made of gold and they’re going to have to melt it down now to back the money?

Do they have a secret vault like Scrooge McDuck and do they go spelunking in the gold coins from time to time?

Are we going to have wait a while for them to print it all? Do they need to borrow my printer for the weekend?

If they parted with 2 trillion, how much money do they actually have? No really, we’re not mad, we’re impressed. I mean, usually people only part with money they’ve set aside, and it’s generally only a small fraction of their total net worth. So…take the remainder, add the two, divide that by some stuff. That equals: a lot.

Regardless of the questions, this latest move by the US government has brought both financial and emotional relief to many individuals and businesses across the nation, offering much needed hope, encouragement, and money at a very difficult time.

But, seriously, how much money do they actually have?

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