World – Page 6 – Iron E-News

Statue of Liberty Speaks: “My Arm’s Tired”

20Feb

By jeff10 Comments

U.S.

Statue of Liberty Speaks: “My Arm’s Tired”

After more than a century of silence, the Statue of Liberty has finally spoken. Yesterday evening, as the last few tourists climbed her viewing platforms, she shocked the U.S. and the rest of the world when she revealed her ability to communicate. The young girl who spoke to her, however, wasn’t surprised at all. Maria Gonzalez, daughter of two Cuban immigrants who came to America in search of a better life, said she had always wanted to see the iconic statue because of all that she had meant to her parents. And from the moment she arrived in New York harbor, she struck up a conversation with her favorite lady, asking her about her likes and hobbies and if she ever had a boyfriend. It was when she asked her how she was doing, that she actually replied. “Maria was simply...

American Youth Discovers Sam Adams More than Just ‘Dead Beer Dude’

17Feb

By jeff34 Comments

U.S.

American Youth Discovers Sam Adams More than Just ‘Dead Beer Dude’

BOSTON—Twenty-four-year-old Boston native and soon-to-be college grad, Richard Head, while sitting atop his cherry SUV and watching fireworks in the distance, learned a little bit more about American history and culture this past New Year’s–and, man, would his dad have been proud. “The last thing I thought I was going to get that night was a history lesson, if you know what I mean,” Richard revealed. “But leave it to Joe…he’s full of sh– like that. Anyways, there we were, sipping our favorite brewski and I says to Joe, ‘Eh Joe, who was Sam Adams anyways?’ And then Joe–he says to me, ‘You mean the dead beer guy?’ And I says, ‘No, I mean your mom. Of course the dead beer guy.” And then Joe turns to me all serious like and says, ‘Don’t you know anything? He was one of those original Americ...

American Tourist in Italy Visits the Sixteenth Chapel

11Feb

By jeff17 Comments

U.S.

American Tourist in Italy Visits the Sixteenth Chapel

American tourist and college grad, Richard Head, recently decided it was time to get some culture in his life. Or, in his words, 16th century porn. After “learning” about the paintings that ornamented the lavish walls of the Vatican’s famous “Sixteenth Chapel”, he logically assumed that this was how all Italians lived and dressed, and so, of course, he wanted to see it for himself. However, he hesitated for a brief moment because he thought it a bit strange that so much nudity would be found in chapels of all places. But he didn’t hesitate for long because so much culture awaited. Upon arriving in the Fiumicino airport, he hurriedly made his way through the tarmac and into the waiting area, fully expecting a cornucopia of lounging flesh similar to what one might find on Mount Olympus....

Car Horns Swapped for Human Voices to Minimize Confusion

9Feb

By jeff22 Comments

World

Car Horns Swapped for Human Voices to Minimize Confusion

Cars a lot less horny now, say manufacturers Major car manufacturers announced a change that’s been in the works for some time now—car horns will finally communicate like the rest of the world. This change came as a result of a horribly awkward situation involving a young man who mistakenly waved to a driver after hearing a short, light tap on the horn. Because this staccato-style single tap (at times substituted for the double tap) is used interchangeably for a variety of circumstances—from saying hi to warning someone—this poor youth could hardly be faulted for turning around cheerily and offering a warm ‘how do you do’. The motorist, however, took his kindness for sarcasm and proceeded to lay on his horn while adding one more bird to the fresh spring air. “It’s about time...

Al Gore’s Carbon Footprint Now Visible from Space

21Jun

By jeff5 Comments

Sci-Tech, World

Al Gore’s Carbon Footprint Now Visible from Space

Spectacular new images of Earth were released by NASA yesterday detailing various aspects of our magnificent blue and green marble. One photo in particular stood out above the rest: a crystal clear shot of billions of carbon molecules in the form of a giant footprint covering most of North America. Scientists would have been completely in the dark as to the owner of the footprint if not for the letters “GORE” on the bottom of the foot. Apparently, what started out as a tiny dot not worth mentioning has turned into one of the greatest marvels in all of human history. And, according to scientists monitoring this man-made phenomena affecting our ozone, Mr. Gore deserves all of the credit. “It’s amazing really,” said one climatologist. “Not only has he eloquently explained to us wh...

Iranian Judge Orders KimYe to Never Ever be in the News Again

28May

By jeff15 Comments

World

Iranian Judge Orders KimYe to Never Ever be in the News Again

Kimye news reaches tipping point for judge Following the logical summons of Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg over privacy violations, a high court in southern Iran has issued its second demand in as many days: that the man who calls himself “Yeezus” and his former “internet star” turned bride, Kim Kardashian, shall never ever ever appear before his eyes while he’s watching his nightly news in his nightly jammies (or at any other time for that matter). This isn’t the first time this judge has flexed his judicial powers. Over the years, his excellency has summoned Batman (of course), The Rolling Stones (because he couldn’t get the radio to work), and Chuck Norris (which he deeply regretted). The judge wasn’t available for comment but Sherif Hassananan, an official with the paramilitary B...