Car Horns Swapped for Human Voices to Minimize Confusion

Cars a lot less horny now, say manufacturers

Major car manufacturers announced a change that’s been in the works for some time now—car horns will finally communicate like the rest of the world.

This change came as a result of a horribly awkward situation involving a young man who mistakenly waved to a driver after hearing a short, light tap on the horn.

Because this staccato-style single tap (at times substituted for the double tap) is used interchangeably for a variety of circumstances—from saying hi to warning someone—this poor youth could hardly be faulted for turning around cheerily and offering a warm ‘how do you do’.

The motorist, however, took his kindness for sarcasm and proceeded to lay on his horn while adding one more bird to the fresh spring air.

“It’s about time they did something to clear up the confusion,” the miffed pedestrian complained.  “I don’t know how many times I’ve been driving and wanted to honk at the person at the front of the line and only pissed off the person right in front of me instead.”

Manufacturers addressed these concerns in their initial press conference.

Instead of the large boring space on the front of the wheel, there will now be over a hundred tiny buttons to make life easy for the driver and to help him/her to communicate with others.  For example, instead of having to use the same long and loud honk for someone that cuts you off that you would for an unnecessary traffic jam, you can choose the specific obscenity/sarcastic suggestion/mocking diatribe for each and every occasion.

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