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LinkedIn Tips on How to not Suck at your Job
Internets

LinkedIn Tips on How to not Suck at your Job

Tip #1: Join LinkedIn. Duh. This is probably the most important path to success at your workplace and, we would argue, in your entire life - much more important than working hard, being reliable, etc. Tip #2: Smile a lot. Smiling creates a good impression and is always appropriate, especially when you don't know what you're doing. If you're that person who is generally thought of as incompetent or lazy, smiling will make up for it. Tip #3: Hide everything with good body language. If you're in an interview, and they're asking about certain "glossy" parts of your resume, remain calm, put your hand to your chin, and then, while squinting just a bit, respond with a few steady, pensive head nods. In your mind, whisper "nailed it" over and over. They will be so impressed by your confident ...
Iron E-News Quietly Wins Award over The Onion and Possibly Entire Internet
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Iron E-News Quietly Wins Award over The Onion and Possibly Entire Internet

Iron E-News is proud to announce that it has won the coveted Comment Response Award Prize for the first straight year in a row. This award, which has been called the Nobel Peace Prize of the Internet, is only given once a year to the news website that exemplifies the highest standards in both news reporting and website design/performance.  However, though this award is actually given to the website that accumulates the greatest number of comments, the former is obviously implied. This year, Iron E-News far surpassed other notable real news websites such as The Onion and Newsbiscuit as well as various fake news sites such as The New York Times and The Washington Post. Here is just a taste of the passion and avid commitment from some of our readers: “good day everyone.  i’m looki...
IT Guy Admits Day Consists Mostly of Pet Videos and Typing a;lsjkd for Fun
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IT Guy Admits Day Consists Mostly of Pet Videos and Typing a;lsjkd for Fun

Local IT worker, Vaughan Johnson, is hard at work on that server issue cat video you asked about last week."Most of my job takes me about five minutes to get done," Vaughan admitted.  "The rest is mainly memes and funny videos.  Of course, I tell everyone it's going to take much longer because I don't want them to start giving me busy work."His company, Cemen Enterprises, services the needs between the producer and their traders. "Our company fills a small but essential (and overlooked) gap in the market," CEO Alec Smart offered.  "We're basically--what's that?  Just a sec.  Well, get Vaughan in here right away.  As you can see, we rely on Vaughan and his team completely.  We have no idea what he does or how he does it but whatever it is, it's genius."According to Mr. Johnson, their effici...
Page of Online Ads Mistaken for News Article
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Page of Online Ads Mistaken for News Article

Last week, local news consumer, Burd Lines, mistook a beautifully arranged page of online ads for an actual news article like this one. Apparently, he was browsing through his usual news sites when he came across a hyperlink to an article embedded in another article and decided to click on it. He was pleasantly surprised by the small number of ads he had to sift through, and actually thought there would be much more. Not only this, but after reading over the page of current events in advertising, he felt quite satisfied and lost all desire to continue to his next usual news site.
How to Win Facebook Friends and Influence Virtual People
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How to Win Facebook Friends and Influence Virtual People

1. Send gaming invites every day.  This is probably the most crucial aspect of getting (and keeping) friends.  Candy Crush invitations let people know that you care. 2. Keep an up-to-date stream of selfie pics so that people know you haven’t changed in the last hour. 3. Fill your news feed with cliches and quotes that you pulled from rainbow cat posters - "Today is better than yesterday because you’re in it”. 4. Fill your newsfeed with rainbow cat posters. 6. Use your update status as your own personal diary – no little tidbit, random thought, or seemingly inane event should be left out. 7. Keep internet jokes alive during that lull period – you know, when they’re not funny anymore.  Because when they’re finally funny again in a year or two, you can say you were ahead of...
Study: 98% of Internet Users Admit ROFL just a LOL
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Study: 98% of Internet Users Admit ROFL just a LOL

A new study was released last week detailing various online practices of users across our interconnected globe. Needless to say, some appalling facts have come to light. Apparently, the vast majority of web surfers suffer from something called lying. Basically, those who use internet slang as a form of communicating emotion are doing so superfluously, haphazardly, and, for the most part, under false pretenses. The data showed that seventy-five percent of the time LOL is used, the perpetrators are simply grinning while typing. Even more disturbing is the revelation that ninety-eight to ninety-nine percent of the time the user claims that something is so funny they are literally rolling on the ground in hysterics–you guessed it–they are still in their chair or on their bed. “We ...