Local IT worker, Vaughan Johnson, is hard at work on that
server issue cat video you asked about last week.
“Most of my job takes me about five minutes to get done,” Vaughan admitted. “The rest is mainly memes and funny videos. Of course, I tell everyone it’s going to take much longer because I don’t want them to start giving me busy work.”
His company, Cemen Enterprises, services the needs between the producer and their traders.
“Our company fills a small but essential (and overlooked) gap in the market,” CEO Alec Smart offered. “We’re basically the middle man for middle men. And we rely on Vaughan and his team completely. We have no idea what he does or how he does it but whatever it is, it’s genius.”
According to Mr. Johnson, their efficiency is only equal to their desire to keep it quiet.
“Whenever we lock ourselves inside the server room, we’ll knock things out in about half an hour, then play Counter Strike the rest of the day. But listen, it’s not because we’re lazy, it’s because we’re so damn good at what we do. And, believe me, if we started telling the boss how good we were, it would be back to ‘Can you help me with my PPT?’ or ‘My browser is broken’ or ‘Which one is bigger – KB or MB?'”
Vaughan’s colleagues could only confirm Mr. Johnson’s expertise with technology.
“Vaughan is amazing,” Katie Mouthmalt said. “Did you know that he knows this thing called html? It’s basically like another language.”
Caulie Crokrin said much of the same: “Mr. J is spot on with the interwebs and stuff. He might be related to Al Gore for all I know.”