funny news – Iron E-News

COVID Graph Takes Top Prize at Graph Awards

4May

By jeff42 Comments

Sci-Tech

COVID Graph Takes Top Prize at Graph Awards

The city of Shanghai was reeling yesterday upon hearing the news that it had taken the ultimate prize in science and mathematics: an International Graph Award. The reaction was immediate. And electric. People flung open their windows, shouting at the top of their lungs in wild jubilation; they hung gigantic banners and flags of 'graph' across millions of apartments throughout the merry metropolis. Children wore graph-adorned t-shirts and women flashed their graph bling all to show support and celebrate a much needed win for the city. Chants of 'Graph! Graph! Graph!' could be heard for miles and miles. "I just can't believe it," said one local resident through her tears, "We've wanted this for so long, and for it to happen this year (of all years), it's just too good to be tru...

25Feb

By jeff16 Comments

Society

Top Ten Emotional Support Pets

Blob Fish - no explanation necessary. If you have an emotional support animal, you know how great they are. You also know that dogs are tres passé. In their stead, people are turning to other more obvious heroes such as the ones below. Here is the official list of animals that have been scientifically proven to help you recover from mental and emotional distress:

DC and Marvel Villains Becoming Good Guys to Land Lucrative Ad Deals

12Jul

By jeff25 Comments

ENTMT

DC and Marvel Villains Becoming Good Guys to Land Lucrative Ad Deals

It pays to be a good guy. On the heels of big time advertisement campaigns starring iconic superheroes like Spiderman, The Hulk, Superman, Iron Man, etc. the union officially representing the villains of DC and Marvel released the statement of the century yesterday. “In the interests of our clients, the DCU, MU, and the world at large, we–the ones callously labeled as ‘bad guys’–would like to announce our complete resignation (in perpetuity) from any and all evil plots, plans, schemes, etc. that would (directly or indirectly) cause the harm and/or destruction of the planet, humans, and…well…yeah, we guess superheroes, too.” This shocking announcement has left their respective universes reeling in disbelief and the response–from superheroes more than anyone–has been one of complete...

World’s Smartest Ape not Making Headway on Whole Poo-eating Thing

2Jun

By jeff20 Comments

World

World’s Smartest Ape not Making Headway on Whole Poo-eating Thing

Kanzi, the world’s most intelligent animal, sits inside his sunlit cage, dreaming of poo. This very special bonobo ape lives in Des Moines, Iowa under the watchful care of scientists with the Great Ape Trust, where he spends his days making fires, communicating through computerized pictograms, and, now and again, snacking on choice dumps. Though trained by intelligent, higher-order mammals, the things this chimp has learned is nothing short of astonishing. Kanzi is the brother to another special ape Panbanisha, who died in 2012 of symptoms related to a cold–possibly due to poor care from the woman who used to train them, Dr. Sue Savage-Rumbaugh. Though she was later reinstated because of her uncanny connection with the animal kingdom–from hearing the first puppy speak English to ...

12May

By jeff25 Comments

Society

Poll: ‘Your Mom’ is Still Funny

According to a survey conducted by the American Research Society, thirty-something-year old men all over the world are still responding randomly to questions with the phrase, "your mom". And finding it funny. Even after decades of usage, and even after research has shown it to be nearly impossible for "your mom" to be an adequate or appropriate answer to every question, it hasn't seemed to grow tired or old. For example, "What is two times two?" "Your mom." (we know to be incorrect because it's usually four) Or, "What was Einstein's inspiration for the theory of relativity?" "Your mom." (we also know to be untrue since your mom isn't a day over 30) "This juvenile response," the Society reported, "similar to 'bathroom' humor, has amazing comedic resiliency among actual ...

IT Guy Admits Day Consists Mostly of Pet Videos and Typing a;lsjkd for Fun

25Apr

By jeff23 Comments

Internets

IT Guy Admits Day Consists Mostly of Pet Videos and Typing a;lsjkd for Fun

Local IT worker, Vaughan Johnson, is hard at work on that server issue cat video you asked about last week."Most of my job takes me about five minutes to get done," Vaughan admitted. "The rest is mainly memes and funny videos. Of course, I tell everyone it's going to take much longer because I don't want them to start giving me busy work."His company, Cemen Enterprises, services the needs between the producer and their traders. "Our company fills a small but essential (and overlooked) gap in the market," CEO Alec Smart offered. "We're basically--what's that? Just a sec. Well, get Vaughan in here right away. As you can see, we rely on Vaughan and his team completely. We have no idea what he does or how he does it but whatever it is, it's genius."According to Mr. Johnson, their effici...