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Area Husband Hates it when his Wife Generalizes All the Time

16Mar

By jeff6 Comments

Local Man

Area Husband Hates it when his Wife Generalizes All the Time

Late last night, a local husband–known to his friends as probably the kindest and most patient man to ever live–was overheard sharing his pain over a pint at Joe’s Tavern. “Man, my old lady. She really, really has an exaggeration problem,” he admitted. “I mean, seriously. She’s probably the worst exaggerator in the universe. Or is it ‘best’ exaggerator? Whatever. I do something wrong ONE time and it suddenly becomes every time. “Oh Barney, he never puts the toilet seat down!’ or ‘Oh, Barney, he always criticizes me.’ or ‘That Barney, he always leaves his toenails on my pillow.'” “Mmhmm,” his friends murmured in agreement. “You know those–what are they called?–those hyperbole words? You know what I’m talking about: always, usually…” “You mean frequency words?” one friend...

Area Man Asks Wife if She’s on Her Exclamation Point Again

Local Dallas resident, Eric Naughtbright, was shocked by the punctuation-filled response he received after asking his wife of eight years if she was having her exclamation point again. They had only been married a short time but Eric thought he was making real strides in his ability to understand and communicate with the opposite sex, especially during monthly times of difficulty. Since he had learned very quickly what not to call it, he was taking a new approach. Needless to say, he's still in the learning stages. "I don't understand," Eric said. "I mean, why just have a boring old period when you can really make a statement? I thought it would be empowering." It wasn't. And after seeing the damage he had done, he did his best to salvage his relationship. And his life. ...

Area Man’s Social Life not as Impressive as Facebook Page Suggests

To the untrained eye, Brit Crinkler’s profile page on the number one social networking site in the world comes across as not only impressive but, as some might say, bordering on showy. One of the woman editors of this paper, upon viewing the young man’s profile, likened it to drinking a Grey Goose martini straight out of Sean Connery’s mouth. But the results are in Mr. Crinkler—the veil has been removed, if you will—and it doesn’t look good. According to the younger brother Ty, there is an alarming disparity between Brit’s actual number of friends in real life and the number listed on his page. Apparently, Brit claims to have upwards of 1,250 friends; and somehow the rest of the world has believed him for over five years. At first glance, this seems to qualify him for some sort of Gui...