We just received a raven from the Citadel and it appears Lavar Ball of the House of Ball, first of his name, has thrown down the iron gauntlet (made specially from the Iron Isles) and demanded that Ser Gregor Clegane, The Mountain, of the House of Scare the Hell out of Everyone, leave the Red Keep at once and face him in open combat.
This is not the first time we’ve heard grand boasts from the Lord of Ball Nation, and it certainly won’t be the last. Well maybe.
“He’s a big ole WUSSY!” Lord Ball exclaimed. “Mount Wussy Wuss Face is his true name! And it’s time to make that mountain into a mole hill!”
During this very ambitious and very long speech, one that men will surely sing about and women will one day teach to their children, Lord Ball expounded upon a litany of accomplishments and imminent conquests.
Here are just a few:
When the Night King has nightmares, it’s my face he sees!
I ate a giant for breakfast!
I climbed The Wall…naked!
I made Denise Veterinarian’s dragon my pet (though “pet” may not have been the actual word)!