Vegan Restaurants to include Complimentary Side of Judgment with every Meal

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Vegan restaurants all around the world have begun to offer something for free that’s already been on many menus since the inception of meat-free, egg-free, dairy-free, taste-free dining:

Pure, unadulterated judgment.

“Well, they used to charge you for it, so that’s a step in the right direction, I guess,” said occasional herbivore, Yu Mi.  “I mean, right?”

After a popular Shanghai restaurant, Vegasm, started a trend of slapping perceived closet meat-eaters in the face, other restaurants equally embraced what’s naturally ingrained in the culture.

“We feel the judgment should come free,” said local waiter, Bette Terthanyu.  “And be dispensed in very generous portions.  Personally, I like to stand by the table and watch them, just to make sure they eat it all.  And if I think that they are some kind of part-time or bandwagon vegan, that’s all I’ll serve them–they can just fill up on the guilt and shame of being a horrible human being.”

Though some have become turned off by the uber critical atmosphere, most customers take it in stride because they feel like they deserve it.

“I thought about–I almost can’t talk about it, it’s so bad–I thought about pulling into a drive-thru yesterday…at a MCDONALDS!” confessed one anonymous regular.  “I know.  I know–I’m the worst.  So, as punishment, I visit Vegasm four times a day and beg them to verbally chastise me.  And throw tofu in my face but not let me eat it.  Being vegan is the best.”

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